Don't you want me to be happy??

There's a lot of political stuff I could talk about but this has been on my mind for a while. I know it will continue to pop into my head until I write about it so here goes.


The battle cry of millennials and liberals everywhere. We have a right to be happy.  Kids use this one all the time.
"Why can't I (fill in the blank)....DON'T YOU WANT ME TO BE HAPPY?"


This is purely manipulative. It's about as bad as "Don't you trust me?" which is code for I'm about to go put myself in a dangerous/stupid situation but you can trust ME to do the right thing, Mom.


Right..


But back to my original, philosophical point. Do I want my kids, husband, family to be happy? Well, maybe... But what does it really mean? What does 'happy' mean in this context?


Let's start with some basic definitions.
Happiness is generally a feeling. It's also temporary most of the time like all other feelings. I can feel happy several times a day and usually do. My kids laughter, my husband getting home from work, a phone call from my parents just to hear my voice, a really tough workout. All these things make me feel happy. But I can go from happy to sad or frustrated pretty quickly. When my kids are fighting and I want to knock their heads together, when I'm fighting with my husband, etc. My point is happiness can be and usually is temporary. It comes and goes.


Joy is something different altogether. It's something deeper. It isn't based on basic human emotion. It can be much more constant and isn't even based on whether you are happy or not. I know. It sounds contradictory but let me explain.


Joy is something that can characterize your life on a daily basis no matter what else is going on. My kids give me great joy every day and have since they were born. I'm so overwhelmed that I get to be their mom. Being married to a really great man gives me joy. Being a grandmother to the cutest baby ever gives me endless joy. But whether I'm happy or not can change from minute to minute. (Hey, I'm a woman. It happens.)


See where I'm going here?


Here's the thing. Happiness can be based on lots of changeable things in your life. Lots of things can make you feel temporarily happy.  Some good, some bad. Being with your friends can make you feel happy. So can getting drunk. Being married to the right person can make you happy. So can having an affair. A good, spirited debate can make you happy. So can screaming at someone or teasing them.


See what I mean?


"I just want my kids to be happy." This is a trap. What it really means is I want my kids to move from one thing to the next as long as they can maintain that temporary feeling of happiness and that's exactly what they will do. It's what we all do sometimes but kids are particularly vulnerable to this.
What if being happy means moving from one temporary relationship to the next? Will the love, affection and sex make them happy? Sure. But there will be a lot of heartbreak in between. A lot of anger and bitterness mixed in too. What if being happy is based on drinking every weekend? Will you feel happy while you're drunk? Probably. Maybe. You'll also deal with hangovers, lost memories, possible drunk driving charges. "But as long as YOU are happy" What if shopping makes me happy?
That is definitely a temporary feeling. Yeah! I have new stuff. But that's worn off so now I need more new stuff.


I hope you get the point here.


If someone asks me if I want my kids my kids to be happy, I have some questions first. Happy based on what? Getting whatever they want? Feeling good about themselves all the time? Pursuing an immoral lifestyle? Then my answer is emphatically NO. I want my kids to feel happiness just like anyone else. But not based on giving up their moral backbone. Not at the expense of their ethics.


What I want for the people I love is to experience joy. In other words, something long lasting and immovable. Something based on real things, real accomplishments, the fact that God loves them unconditionally. These things are undeniable. They don't change.


Happiness is incredibly temporary. It changes based on your temporary circumstances.
It can also be brought on by doing incredibly dangerous and stupid things. Your pursuit of your own happiness and hang the consequences can hurt those around you and eventually yourself.


So..do I want my kids to be happy? Honestly, it depends. I'd much rather see them joyful from day to day, year to year for their entire lifetime based on living a good, moral, Godly life than temporarily
happy based on pursuing from moment to moment what makes them feel good.


Joy can be permanent if you pursue it. It's a much better pursuit than temporarily feeling happy.
Be joyful all the time and happy some of the time. It's a much better lifestyle.